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Wow, what a cliffhanger. I just read my last post for the first time since I wrote it. Here's the update:
Saturday night I went to bed immediately after finishing that post. I didn't sleep on the couch -- I got into bed and spooned Tom, which isn't as romantic as it sounds -- 2 dogs in the bed necessitate snuggling, as there are paws and dog breath seemingly everywhere except in our little corner that we carve out.
Sunday I woke up with quite a headache -- I just can't drink red wine anymore, unfortunately -- it's my absolute favorite drink and yet it's making me feel toxic -- I drink wine, I wake up red-faced with a headache and no brain and feeling like I'm overflowing with toxins. An ibuprofin or 2 and a few glasses of water set me on the right path, but I feel like I'm losing about 45% of my potential productivity -- not good.
Anyway, wine aside, we... worked it out? Came to a resolution? Understand the other's POV? There are no words that adequately capture it -- we talked, we got heated, we got calm, I didn't cry, we made love as a re-connection method, we communicated effectively, we watched 3 episodes of House while Tom rubbed my feet and then I rubbed his head. It was sweet. It was healing. It was restorative.
My worry? Nothing is ever fully restorative. Every chink in the relationship's armour is not fixed by resolving the matter. A dent, or weak spot, remains, even after banging out the ding. Enough dents and you're really in trouble. A friend of mine describes this relationship phenomenon as silt on the riverbed -- every disagreement or trouble spot deposits a little silt on the riverbed of the relationship. Making up breaks up some of the silt, but not all of it. After a time, the silt clogs the river, and sludge develops, and it gets harder and harder for clean, cold water to flow through.
I don't want that. It's so unlikely that long-term relationships can maintain clear flowing rivers and shiny armour... but I don't want silt, I don't want sludge, and I don't want chinks. I've been married this time for 2.5 years... I'm doing the best I can to keep the crap at bay, but it's inevitable -- there is silt, sludge, chinks. How to heal them? I'm looking, I'm looking....